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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649253">i would prefer normal death threats, thank you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_cats/pseuds/floating_cats'>floating_cats</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SasuHina superhero/bad poetry AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(not at the same time), Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, BAMF Hyuuga Hinata, Comedy, Crack, F/M, and he's in love with tenten, and kinda sasusaku?, and shikatema, but sasuke is secretly pining for her, called byakugirl!, hinata is a barista/superhero, hinata ships nejiten, ladykiller in love kind of thing, neji is a chiropractor, sasuke is unbelievably AWFUL at writing poetry, she just wants everyone to be happy ok??, tsunade adds vodka to coffee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:07:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23649253</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/floating_cats/pseuds/floating_cats</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>By day, Hinata Hyuuga is a normal student and part-time barista. By night, she is Byakugirl, one of Konoha's superheroes, protecting the city from evil.</p><p>Currently complicating her life: a mysterious new supervillain calling himself 'the Avenger' and the undecipherable letters that she can only assume contain anonymous death threats...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke, Minor or Background Relationship(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SasuHina superhero/bad poetry AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1785673</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. unfamiliar chakra</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this fic was inspired by some prompts I saw on Tumblr by @gingerly-writing:</p><p> - 'Every Tuesday I take the night off from committing crimes to go and sit in my favourite restaurant for a few hours. I absolutely do not have a crush on the cute waitress’ AU<br/>- 'I was getting harassed by two dickheads and my favourite customer stepped in to protect me…aaaand he’s a supervillain. Great.’ AU</p><p>I thought it would be super fun (no pun intended) to apply these to SasuHina, one of my favourite cracky pairings! </p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p><p>(Also I have never worked in a café, and so can only guess at the inner workings. Please forgive any inaccuracies.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘I’m so sorry I’m late!’ Hinata said to her boss, rushing through the door to the café’s break room and practically throwing her coat off in her haste to hang it up.</p><p>Asuma chuckled. ‘Don’t worry, you’re fine. At this rate, you’ll be out before those three.’ He nodded to Hinata’s colleagues, none of whom looked like they were ready to work.</p><p>‘It’s Tuesday!’ Sakura – one of the aforementioned colleagues - explained, not looking away from the mirror as she applied pink lipstick the same shade as her hair. ‘I can’t look like I spent the last few hours removing a dead person’s ribs on three hours of sleep.’</p><p>Sai looked up blankly from drawing on Shikamaru’s arm. ‘But you did.’</p><p>Sakura rolled her eyes. ‘Well I <em>did,</em> but that’s not the point. I want Tomato Boy to see me as, you know, <em>attractive.</em>’</p><p>Sai smiled. ‘I think you’d be better off emphasising your predilection for cutting up cadavers than your looks.’</p><p>‘I don’t do it for fun, it’s compuls– wait, what the hell is <em>that</em> supposed to mean anyway?!’</p><p>‘It means - ’</p><p>‘Alright, playtime’s over!’ Asuma announced hastily, before Sai had the chance to call Sakura ugly and be on the receiving end of her impressive punches. <em>Again.</em> ‘All of you, go and do what I pay you for. Shikamaru,’ he said, nudging said boy's shoulder with his foot. ‘Wake up.’</p><p> </p><p>Hinata liked working as a barista at Kanbi. Its location in central Konoha gave it a varied clientele - from Hinata’s fellow university students, to high-powered businessmen and women, to tourists from beyond the Fire Country - and, as far as jobs went, it was so… nice, normal, uncomplicated: precisely the kind of place someone would expect a student to work - basically, the antithesis of her other job. Though she wasn’t sure that she should call that a <em>job</em> exactly, perhaps a vocation? A volunteer position? A weird hobby? <em>Hm...</em></p><p>Beautiful blonde Dr Kato ordered her usual iced coffee with ten shots, leaving Sakura slightly starstruck and Hinata concerned for the doctor’s health.</p><p>‘Sakura, is it healthy to drink that much caffeine?’ Hinata whispered to the med-student, filling a cup with ice. ‘I know I’m not an expert, but - ’</p><p>‘She’s amazing,’ Sakura said dreamily. ‘Have I told you that she invented Mitotic Regeneration?’</p><p>Hinata paused. ‘Maybe o-one or twice…’</p><p>A few minutes later, the bell over the door chimed, and Hinata had barely returned from serving Dr Kato her (terrifying) drink before Sakura grabbed her hand and pulled her to the floor, so both of them were crouching below the counter.</p><p>‘What is it?’ Hinata asked anxiously. ‘Are you alright?’</p><p>Sakura gulped. ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. But the Bushy Brow Duo just walked in, and I don’t want Bushy Brows Jr. to declare his undying love for me in front of the whole café again…’</p><p>Hinata nodded. She knew that Lee (aka Bushy Brows Jr.) meant well – he was good friends with Hinata’s cousin, Neji, as well as her flatmate, Tenten – but he was... a <em>lot, </em>especially when he decided that you were his One True Love, as he had with Sakura. Hinata made a mental note to ask Neji to have a word with Lee about toning down his seduction attempts. ‘Okay, I’ll do the till, you go and swap with one of the boys until Lee and Guy leave.’</p><p>Sakura squeezed Hinata’s hand. ‘You’re an angel,’ she said, before crawling into the break room.</p><p>Hinata took a deep breath. Her shyness had improved immeasurably since she was a child, but even at twenty, she still found that she had to psychologically steel herself before talking to people she didn’t know that well.</p><p>‘Uh… Hello, um, sorry for the wait!’ she said, sheepishly emerging from under the till. The two men at the counter looked mildly surprised at first, but the elder one soon grinned at her. His teeth caught the light like diamonds. It was unsettling, but also strangely mesmerising.</p><p>‘Ha, ha, no trouble at all! I imagine you were just getting in a few sit-ups between customers! Such efficient time usage is <em>exceedingly</em> youthful! Lee!’ he boomed. Lee stood to attention. ‘You can take inspiration from this girl!’</p><p>Hinata opened her mouth to correct him, but Lee looked at her with such open admiration that she didn’t have the heart to. She moved on swiftly. ‘What would you like?’</p><p>As they ordered and paid, the doorbell chimed again. She glanced up, only to find herself looking right back into the dark eyes of Tomato Boy himself (so dubbed because he was one of the few people who regularly ordered tomato cake). Hinata immediately dropped her gaze and felt a deep red flush creeping up her neck and onto her face. It was a cruel trick of her biology, she lamented, to be so easily embarrassed, then have such an obvious, violent reaction to said embarrassment, which only served to make her feel more embarrassed, and the cycle continued…</p><p>‘You feeling okay?’ Shikamaru – who Sakura had somehow corralled into taking her place - asked, frowning. ‘Are you having an allergic reaction?’ He smirked. ‘Or is Uzumaki somewhere in the vicinity?’</p><p>The flush deepened. ‘N-no!’ Hinata managed to squeak. ‘I-I’m alright.’ She inhaled a few deep breaths, before turning to deal with the next customer.</p><p>‘What would you like?’ she said softly.</p><p>‘Black coffee.’ Dark eyes narrowed at the display of cakes under the glass counter. ‘And tomato cake.’</p><p>‘Of course.’ As she prepared his drink and cut him a slice of cake, her mind drifted, and she thought to herself, <em>Sakura will be sad to miss him</em><em>. But WHY?</em> Hinata tried not to judge what other people did, especially if it didn’t affect her, but Sakura’s crush on Tomato Boy seemed like an exercise in pointless masochism. Hinata’s (minor!) crush on Naruto Uzumaki might have been even more hopeless, seeing as he was engaged - to a man - but at least he was a lovely person, and their encounters always left Hinata feeling warm and inspired. Tomato Boy, on the other hand, for all his handsomeness, was essentially a cardboard cutout of a person. All of Sakura’s attempts to engage him in any kind of conversation had been entirely unsuccessful and seeing her so dejected after these failed attempts made Hinata feel sad, and a little angry. Some people (wrongly, Hinata insisted) occasionally described her cousin Neji as an ‘ice cold bastard’ with ‘the emotional range of a teaspoon’, but even they had to admit that he was never less than impeccably polite. The same could NOT be said for Tomato Boy.</p><p>However, Hinata brightened up at the sight of another regular, who reminded her of a certain coffee shop crush that might <em>not</em> end in tears. She reached around Shikamaru and plucked the drink he had just finished preparing from his hands.</p><p>‘Hey!’</p><p>‘I’ll go and give these to Guy and Lee,’ she said, with a mischievous smile. ‘You do the till…’</p><p>He sighed, turned to the till and practically fell over when he realised his favourite and most petrifying customer was making her way towards him, wearing some kind of complicated gym-wear (featuring a lot of mesh and sheer panelling), her sandy hair tied back in multiple spiky pigtails. In other words, she looked fantastic. ‘Hinata!’ he hissed. ‘Hinat- Oh, hey Temari, uh, what can I get you?’</p><p>Hinata giggled and left them to their usual routine of poorly disguised flirting. After she had given Guy and Lee their drinks, the inevitable question came: ‘Excuse me, but is the beauteous Sakura working today? I wanted to present her with a sonnet that I penned for her. She is truly the embodiment of youth! A veritable Hebe!’</p><p>‘Oh.' Hinata tried not to blush as she lied. 'I’m afraid I haven’t seen her.’</p><p>Lee heaved a sigh. ‘Then will you pass this onto her, along with my regrets at not being able to give it to her in person?’</p><p>She nodded. Lee handed her a small pink envelope, accompanied by the same thumbs up and grin combo that his mentor had used earlier. Hinata giggled at him, and wracked her brains as she turned to the other tables, wondering if she had any single friends who might be a nice fit for Lee. He was so sweet, he had so much love to give and his eyebrows were really quite something; he just needed someone who could handle his particular brand of intensity…</p><p>‘Excuse me?’ someone said, and Hinata just managed to stop herself from squeaking in surprise. ‘What time is it?’</p><p>Hinata glanced at her phone. ‘A few minutes past three?’</p><p>Dr Kato shrugged. ‘Late enough then,’ she said, and pulled a small bottle out from her bra (?) and added a few generous glugs of its content to her half-empty iced coffee. She winked at Hinata, which of course immediately triggered the reflexive lobster-like blush. Hinata half-bowed, and whipped around, only to find herself locking eyes with Tomato Boy. <em>Again!</em> He was staring right at her, over the rim of his coffee cup; it was creepy!</p><p>‘Do you need anything?’ she asked as politely as she could, painfully aware that she probably looked like one of his beloved tomatoes. He dismissed her with a quick shake of his head, returning his attention to his laptop. <em>How odd, </em>Hinata thought, as she cleared the empty table near the window, the daily haunt of the blue-haired lady who came in every day and did origami as she drank her coffee. As usual, she had left a small present: a beautifully made paper violet, which Hinata slipped into the pocket of her apron. <em>A shrinking violet. </em>That was how people had described Hinata all her life and, not for the first time, she wondered if maybe Tomato Boy’s was similar: shy, perhaps a little socially anxious, but ultimately wanting to connect with other people. But – no, there was a certain contempt with which he regarded Sakura and Sai in particular, and he didn’t seem to think much of anyone else either. <em>He isn’t worth brooding about,</em> she told herself, and looked back to see how Shikamaru and Temari were getting on. Shikamaru was pulling on his cardigan rather violently and muttering to himself, and Temari was chuckling as she walked out with her takeaway coffee. <em>Oh dear.</em></p><p>‘What happened?’</p><p>Shikamaru pulled up his right sleeve and jabbed a finger at his forearm. ‘This!’</p><p><em>Oh dear. </em>Sai had drawn at least four, very detailed, penises on his arm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That other half of Hinata’s life began after dark.</p><p>‘I’m going on my patrol!’ she called to Neji and Tenten as she left her and Tenten’s flat.</p><p>‘Now?’ her flatmate asked, hurrying to the door. ‘You can stay for dinner, if you want.’</p><p>Hinata waved her off. ‘I’ve already eaten.’ She hadn’t, but she wouldn’t dream of interrupting this dinner. This was The Night of Nights, the night Neji and Tenten would finally acknowledge their feelings for one another and <em>do something.</em> Hinata knew that Neji had spent weeks practicing the dishes and painstakingly tweaking them until they were perfect. He had even asked Lee and Hinata for fashion advice - Lee said that the sight of Neji in green spandex would drive Tenten mad with passion, while Hinata suggested their traditional clan attire, or perhaps something a bit more daring, like crimping his hair – which he eventually declared an exercise in futility and resorted to asking Ino instead. Hopefully tonight, Neji would serve Tenten a lovely meal and then finally pull himself together and tell Tenten how much he adored her. And she would be thrilled at her five years of pining finally coming to fruition!</p><p>‘Alright,’ Neji said, trying not to look too pleased. ‘Good luck and stay safe.’</p><p>Hinata smiled. ‘Thank you. Enjoy your evening!’</p><p> </p><p>Growing up, Hinata had assumed that it would be Neji – the oldest boy and family prodigy – that would take up the ‘family business’, so to speak. But six years ago, he had essentially said <em>fuck destiny, I’m becoming a chiropractor. </em>Which left Hinata as the family super. Super<em>hero, </em>that was. The Hyuugas prided themselves on their adherence to good morals and tradition, so it would be unthinkable to produce anything else.</p><p>She had dinner with Kurenai, her superhero mentor of sorts, and in Kurenai’s guest bedroom, got down to business: transforming herself from Hinata Hyuuga – shrinking violet, optometry student, barista - to Byakugirl, guardian of Konoha. She donned her supersuit and put on the hood that concealed her identity. It covered her whole face, except her eyes. They were Byakugirl's iconic weapon, the Hyuuga’s secret dojutsu and the final step of her metamorphosis.</p><p>‘Byakugan!’</p><p>Her pupils receded completely and the pale grey of her irises bled into the whites. The veins around her eyes pulsed and tightened. And suddenly, her field of view seemed limitless; she could see in all directions over several kilometres and her vision could penetrate the walls of buildings, the asphalt of the streets and the flesh of the citizens. Nothing and no one could hide from her. A smile spread over her face. It was so much easier to be confident behind a mask.</p><p> </p><p>Her eyes swept the city centre. Nothing out of the ordinary, it seemed, but something felt… off. <em>There. </em>The oddity was coming from one of the alleys behind the Senju Gallery; someone was manipulating chakra. <em>Dark purple chakra,</em> Hinata noted, <em>not someone I’m familiar with. </em>The manipulation the stranger was using was very subtle, hard to detect even with the Byakugan. So this wasn’t some kid experimenting with their gifts, this was someone who had practiced <em>precise</em> control over their chakra. A powerful, unknown super roaming the streets for mysterious purposes was definitely something that required checking out.</p><p>Once she had located the source of the chakra, Hinata made sure to tread carefully. She watched a conversation between the two men from behind a wall. One man – the super - had pinned the other man against the wall, and was staring at him intently with glowing red eyes. <em>Genjutsu,</em> Hinata realised, her heart sinking.</p><p>‘W-who are you?’ the victim panted, his eyes rolling back in his head.</p><p>The silence following was so long that Hinata thought the super wasn’t going to reply, but eventually he spoke. ‘The Avenger. But you won’t remember that. Now, what you are going to do is take this can of gasoline inside the gallery, walk up to the third floor and find the pieces listed in the book I gave you. Then you will light a match - ’</p><p>Hinata realised that it was now or never. She sent a quick message to Kurenai, requesting backup. Then she breathed deeply, imagining herself at the centre of an Eight Trigrams symbol, with the Avenger in its perimeter. Then she laid a hand on the fence, swallowed her nerves and leapt over it.</p><p>‘Eight trigrams, sixty-four palms!’</p><p>‘What the - ’</p><p>She cannoned into the Avenger, aiming her blows at the chakra points on his hands and feet and sending him flying backwards, his red eyes fading to black. She had been lucky to catch him off-guard, she thought. However, he soon recovered from his surprise and propelled himself upwards, out of Hinata’s reach. He landed on his feet a few metres away from her, his dojutsu restored.</p><p>‘Hn,’ he said. ‘Byakugirl, right?’</p><p>‘Right,’ she said, trying to stop her voice from wavering.</p><p>The Avenger smirked. ‘Holder of the dojutsu brought to Earth by an alien princess? How quaint.’</p><p>‘T-That’s just a myth!’ she stuttered, thinking of how indignant Neji got when that particular origin story was brought up.</p><p>He scoffed. ‘Well, myth or not, I’ll show you the power of <em>my</em> dojutsu.’</p><p>She readied herself, and then he – vanished? Her eyes darted in all directions, but all she could see was the empty street, the only other person being the Avenger’s victim, leaning heavily against the wall, eyes closed but thankfully still breathing. She could hear the muffled roar of traffic and her own laboured breathing and – <em>Genjutsu, </em>she recognised again, snapping herself out of it, and there he was, running straight at her with a long, narrow blade, with those red eyes ablaze. Her first instinct was <em>I’m done for, I don’t have a weapon!</em> But then she could hear Neji telling her to pull herself together, that she was a <em>Hyuuga,</em> for crying out loud.</p><p>‘Eight trigrams rotation!’</p><p>She spun like a ballerina, creating a rapidly whirling dome of dense chakra. The Avenger stopped in his tracks, regarding the dome warily before hurling a kunai at her. It glanced off her shield and clattered against the pavement. Hinata could see him making hand signs, but she was spinning to fast to recognise them, but she didn’t want to <em>stop</em> spinning because she would lose her defence… And she was starting to feel slightly dizzy. <em>Great.</em> She slowed to a halt, watching him carefully and breathing hard.</p><p>‘Chidori!’ he shouted, performing a series of hand signs and staring expectantly at his hands. He looked at them desperately and glared at her. ‘I can’t – my chakra! What did you do?’</p><p>Hinata allowed herself a smug little smile. ‘I shut off your chakra points. Only the Byakugan can see them, and the Gentle Fist style takes full advantage of that.’</p><p>‘Hn…’ he said. <em>How insightful.</em> ‘Right, this is a waste of my time. Let’s finish this now.’</p><p>Hinata felt a cold, wet sensation on her legs, creeping to cover her whole body. She looked down, and to her horror, she saw a strange, fleshy substance clinging to her suit, covering the whole pavement, growing up the walls – <em>GENJUTSU! </em>she screamed at herself. She bit her lip for good measure; Kurenai had taught her that pain not caused by the genjutsu could dispel it. The Avenger was striking at her with his blade; she could see the shining metal glint in the light of the streetlamp as he lifted it above her head. She was working on pure adrenaline now; she jerked away from the Avenger and aimed for the chakra points on his arm. She felt the cold touch of the sword slicing into her flesh, through her suit, but the pain was bearable coupled with the satisfaction of managing to hit sixteen chakra points of his right arm. He hissed in pain, his grip on his sword weakening. He jumped backwards, out of her reach. His eyes widened, and the pattern in them changed. Now the iris was black, with what looked like a red… flower (?) pulsating in the centre.</p><p>‘Amaterasu!’</p><p>Black, smoky flames uncurled in front of Hinata, crawling towards her. She began the Eight Trigrams Rotation, but something was wrong… She didn’t have the energy or the chakra she’d used before, and she felt a searing heat that made her stumble backwards in panic. As soon as she stopped spinning, the flames descended on her at frightening speeds. She was frozen in fear; she couldn’t even scream. Then a large pile of sand smothered the flames. Hinata blinked in surprise, before being lifted into the air by a large, hand-shaped sand sculpture. So that could only mean Gaara, and sure enough, she caught a glimpse of him continuing to engage the Avenger with his sand, before she was set down next to Kiba, Shino and Kurenai.</p><p>‘Are you alright?’ Kiba asked, helping her to her feet.</p><p>She nodded. ‘Just a cut on my arm.’</p><p>‘It’s not deep,’ Kurenai said, examining it gently. ‘Thank God. Do you have any idea who he is?’</p><p>‘I don’t think so.’ Hinata says. ‘But he calls himself the Avenger.’</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>‘What is he avenging?’ Shino asked.</p><p>Hinata shrugged helplessly. ‘I have no idea. His plan seemed to be to use genjutsu to hypnotise that man into setting some works in the art gallery on fire. Oh, and he has some sort of dojutsu.’</p><p>‘Art gallery?’ Kurenai muttered. ‘But why – nevermind! Gaara, Shino, we’ll go after this Avenger. Don’t worry about his genjutsu; I’ll handle that. Kiba, Hinata, go and see to the civilian.</p><p> </p><p>The Avenger managed to elude capture, but otherwise, Hinata was content with the night's work; no one had been hurt and no damage had been done. She returned to her building the next morning and as she passed the letterboxes checked hers out of habit. To her surprise, there was a single envelope inside, a thick, <em>expensive-feeling</em> envelope. Hinata checked if it was meant for her, and yes, there was her name and address written on the front in unfamiliar handwriting. <em>How interesting!</em> She walked into the lift, pressed the button for the eighth floor and opened the letter.</p><p>
  <em>To Hinata,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It is said in tales of old,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The eyes are windows to the soul.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when your eyes I did behold,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They shot me through like a pistol.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Grey like smoke from a funeral pyre,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grey like the beautiful glint of steel,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To make those eyes my own I do desire,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And devour them like my last meal.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>The powers that your eyes hold,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You can slay a man with a single touch.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You are worth your weight in gold,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>An example of feminine nonesuch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>One day for you I’ll go a-hunting,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But for now I languish in my wanting.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>What.</p><p>She wondered why she could see the street outside her building, falling away from under her, and realised that the letter had freaked her out so much that her Byakugan had activated by itself (thank heavens there was no one else in the lift).</p><p> </p><p>‘Tenten!’ she cried as soon as she had run into the flat and slammed the door. ‘Tenten! Someone knows – someone knows that I’m Byakugirl! And they know where I live! And they’re going to kill me and steal my eyes!’</p><p>A few moments later, Tenten stumbled out of her bedroom in her dressing gown. ‘What happened? Your text said last night went okay?’</p><p>‘Shall we call Uncle Hiashi?’ Neji said, coming out of the bedroom behind her, wearing one of Tenten’s long cardigans.</p><p>A moment of silence.</p><p>‘Did you two –‘ Hinata said, a smile spreading across her face despite the murder sonnet she was currently holding.</p><p>‘None of your concern,’ Neji said with his usual haughty affect, although it was ruined somewhat by him blushing violently. <em>Typical Neji, </em>Hinata thought fondly. She was thrilled for him and Tenten.</p><p>But now, there were other issues at hand. Namely the letter, which she handed over for them to read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. to be a poet is a condition (that sasuke lacks)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Chapter title is a reference to a Robert Graves quote.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Oh God,’ Neji said, horrified as he read the poem. ‘They rhymed <em>soul</em> and <em>pistol.</em>’</p><p>Tenten peered over his shoulder with an expression of sick fascination. ‘At first I wondered if it was a love letter, because it’s, you know, a sonnet and stuff, but I feel like… no one could be so inept that they manage to produce this kind of weird, threatening letter <em>by accident.</em>’</p><p>Hinata agreed. </p><p>‘It’s not the first attempt by someone to steal the Byakugan,’ Neji said grimly, when he had finished. ‘And it won’t be the last. Although I must say, other would-be thieves didn’t tend to announce their intentions via Shakespearean sonnet…’</p><p>‘I think they’re trying to i-intimidate me,’ Hinata said, her voice quavering. ‘Let me know that they know who I am, where I live… And it’s w-working…’</p><p>‘It’s <em>sick,</em>’ Tenten said. She laid an arm over Hinata’s shoulders and guided her to the sofa. ‘Sit down, I’ll make you a hot drink.’</p><p>‘Go and stay with Kurenai,’ Neji said, already tapping away at his phone. ‘Tell her what’s happened. Don’t patrol alone. Tenten will stay with me.’</p><p>‘Will she?’ Tenten asked, not looking back as she walked into the kitchen. </p><p>‘I’d like to stay with Kurenai,’ Hinata said, trying for optimism. ‘Anyway, this could be a joke or something. Perhaps it will stop after this.’</p><p> </p><p>But it didn’t. </p><p>Luckily the sender (or senders) had limited themselves to written threats, and hadn’t added any other little surprises into the notes (Hinata used the Byakugan on them before she opened them). Unluckily, they diversified their poetry portfolio. The second letter was a limerick that despite only being five lines long, made Hinata take four much-needed breaks while reading it; the third was a haiku (Neji said the only things correct about it were the number of syllables per line); and the fourth was a villanelle that read:</p><p>
  <em>I will return to you what you bring to me.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>To see you is a kind of death,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I hope to return this death to thee. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>La petite mort (I‘m not a creep) not sexually,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>More stimulating than crystal meth,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I will return to you what you bring to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I cry for you to release me,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>But you are the witches and I am Macbeth,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I hope to return this death to thee. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Like death and marriage in Antigone,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sophocles knew the nature of death.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I will return to you what you bring to me.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When you fall, I will watch with glee,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Bridal crown of baby’s breath.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I hope to return this death to thee. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your lovely eyes speak of esprit,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>One could drown in those steely depths,</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I will return to you what you bring to me.</em>
  <br/>
  <em>I hope to return this death to thee. </em>
</p><p>So basically it was the worst thing Hinata had ever set eyes on.</p><p> </p><p>As she reached into her letterbox the next week, Hinata realised with a sinking heart that there was yet another envelope. Once in the safety of her flat, she activated her Byakugan to scan its contents, preparing herself for another disturbing series of threats conveyed via poetry, but instead there was an even more ominous line of prose:</p><p>
  <em>Hinata – This Tuesday afternoon, Kanbi. I will meet you there and reveal myself. Until then.</em>
</p><p>Hinata closed her eyes. This person knew where she worked too? So that put her co-workers, her boss and the customers in danger too. Hot, frustrated tears ran down her face into her scarf.</p><p>‘It’s not your fault,’ Tenten said soothingly, sitting beside Hinata and pulling her into a one-armed hug. ‘What did the psycho come up with this time?’ </p><p>Hinata wordlessly handed her the envelope.</p><p>‘You don’t have to do it,’ Tenten said once she had opened it and read the note. ‘Look at me, Hinata. Tell Kurenai and her team - and the police - that he’ll be there, and stay here.’</p><p>‘No,’ Hinata said fervently. ‘I want to be there when we catch them. I’ll be okay with everyone there to help me.’</p><p>‘Then Neji and I will be there too,’ Tenten said, halting Hinata’s protests by shoving a biscuit into her mouth. ‘No, no, we will. You know once he hears about this, you won’t be able to stop him, right? And I want to see all these characters you’ve described. That one guy who draws dicks on everything? The pretty lady who does origami? Oh, and the emo guy who’s obsessed with tomato cake, Lee’s rival for Sakura’s love? Hell yeah.’ Hinata giggled through her tears, and Tenten gave her another biscuit and pulled her closer. ‘It’ll be like a nature documentary.’</p><p> </p><p>The plan to catch the mysterious poet was ready. Everyone was in place at Kanbi.</p><p>Kurenai was sharing a table with the blue-haired lady by the window and Gaara was sitting at another table, ostensibly absorbed in a book. Tenten and Neji were sitting as close to the register as they could, murmuring quietly and sending Hinata sympathetic looks whenever she glanced at them nervously. </p><p>‘Hey, do you – err, know that woman?’ asked a voice, faux-casually. Hinata squeaked and whirled around, only to find her boss holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. ‘Woah, Hinata. Are you alright?’</p><p><em>No, I’m probably on fire as we speak.</em> She nodded. ‘W-which woman do you mean?’</p><p>‘The one with the dark curly hair and red dress, near the window.’</p><p><em>Kurenai?! Could he be -</em> Hinata’s suspicion and terror clearly played across her face, and Asuma’s expression dropped. ‘Oh, no, no! I only thought – well, she hugged you and knew your name when she came in… I just wanted to ask if you know if she’s single, or…?’</p><p>Hinata breathed heavily in relief, much to Asuma’s confusion. ‘Ah! I-I see. Yes, she’s a family friend. I can put in a good word for you?’</p><p>He smiled. ‘Thanks, that would be fantastic.’</p><p><br/>As she brought Neji and Tenten their sixth drinks (they had been there for about two hours), Tomato Boy walked in, and for once, he wasn’t alone. </p><p>‘It’s him,’ she murmured to Tenten and Neji. ‘The one that always gets the tomato cake.’</p><p>Tenten bent her neck to get a better look at him. ‘I thought you said he didn’t have any friends?’</p><p>Hinata flushed. ‘I didn’t say that! I just said he - he’s always by himself!’</p><p>‘That’s not a friend, that’s his brother,’ Neji said, and sipped his coffee. Hinata and Tenten stared at him. ‘What?’ </p><p>‘You <em>know</em> Tomato Boy?’ Tenten said. ‘How? Why didn’t you say anything?’</p><p>‘Because surprisingly, I don’t know him as ‘Tomato Boy’,’ Neji said, with his particular brand of infuriating calm. ‘Which one is he, Hinata?’</p><p>‘The s-shorter one,’</p><p>‘He’s Sasuke Uchiha.’ Neji patted his lips with a napkin, with an air of distaste. ‘And we went to school together, he was in the year below me. Although I have no idea if he knew who <em>I</em> was.’</p><p>‘He’s coming this way,’ Hinata says nervously. ‘Why would he – Neji, do you think he remembers you?’ Her voice rose higher with faint panic. Tomato Boy – or Sasuke, apparently – was heading for them, but he wasn’t looking at Neji. He was gazing at Hinata directly without looking where he was going. People were pulling their chairs out of his path to stop him walking into them as he strode ahead of his brother and closer to her. <em>Is it the letter guy? No, no, how could he know? How, how could –</em> But however she tried to reassure herself, he was still coming towards her.</p><p>‘Hinata – ‘ he started to say, and Neji was pushing his chair out and standing up, and Tenten was clutching Hinata by the shoulders and telling her to take deep breaths, when – BOOM!</p><p>The café’s door was thrown back with so much force that it crashed off its hinges and the bell broke off. Hinata blinked in confusion, shocked out of her spiral of anxiety. Two figures appeared in the doorway.</p><p>‘He’s here, my man!’ said one of them, stepping forward, flicking his blonde hair out of his eyes and grinning madly. ‘Itachi! Long time no see, yeah.’</p><p>
  <em>Itachi?</em>
</p><p>‘Deidara,’ said Sasuke’s brother, turning from the blonde to the shorter one. ‘Sasori. I should’ve expected this.’</p><p>Sasori laughed. ‘Yeah. After what happened to Orochimaru, I thought you’d know better than to defect from the Akatsuki.’</p><p>‘One does not simply <em>defect,</em>’ Deidara added, with the apropos hand gesture, ‘from the Akatsuki.’</p><p>Sasori glared at him, and then turned his attention back to their target. ‘Pain wants us to bring you back to base. He’s got a few little questions for you.’</p><p>‘I’m sure,’ Itachi said, with no hint of emotion. ‘I’d have preferred not do this in a civilian café in broad daylight, but…’ In one swift movement, he ripped off the nice suit he was wearing. Hinata was about to squeeze her eyes shut, but realised that this was not a short and inappropriate striptease, but instead a quick change into a black supersuit. </p><p>‘Itachi, wait!’ Sasuke called to his brother. ‘If you’re doing this, then I’ll do it with you.’</p><p>Then he also ripped off his clothes, revealing a similar outfit as his brother. ‘But first…’ He turned to Hinata, gazing at her with glowing red eyes. <em>Red glowing eyes that looked familiar… </em></p><p>‘Hinata!’ Sasuke - the Avenger - said. ‘In case I don’t have the chance later… There’s something you need to know.’</p><p>‘Me?’ she said like a deer in the headlights. He nodded. ‘What is it?’ </p><p> ‘I – You - ’ He took a deep breath, as if to pull himself together. ‘Did you get my letters?’</p><p>That was like an icy shock. ‘Your letters?’ Hinata said faintly.</p><p>‘Yes, I…’ </p><p>He was drowned out by the realisation that the unknown enemy - who knew her civilian identity, her friends, her family - was also the Avenger, one of the most dangerous, unhinged supervillains she had ever encountered. ‘H-How did you find out?’ Hinata demanded with uncharacteristic anger. ‘Have you been stalking me?’</p><p>‘No!’ he spluttered. He coughed. ‘One of my friends lives in your building, so - ’</p><p>‘Who?’</p><p>‘Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki?’</p><p>Hinata never thought that Naruto would keep such company. ‘But how did you know it was me?’</p><p>He frowned. ‘Well, I recognised you.’ To Hinata’s horror, a tender smile curved his lips. ‘You’re quite striking, you know. I know it was a little – forward, but I – I wanted you to know.’</p><p><em>Forward?!</em> Hinata laughed in disbelief. ‘You wanted me to know? So you did it in the most confusing, scary way possible?’</p><p>He shook his head. ‘I couldn’t just come out and say it! I’d barely spoken to you.’</p><p>‘So tell me now!’ she said mockingly. ‘What did you want to say to me?’</p><p>He stared at her, with eyes that were curiously pleading. ‘You don’t know? You have to know!’</p><p>She glared at him. ‘I know, I just want you to say it.’</p><p>‘But Hinata - ’</p><p>Something snapped. ‘How can you be so cowardly?’ she said furiously. ‘You had plenty to say anonymously, when - ’</p><p>‘I’m in love with you!’ he howled. </p><p>Everyone stared at him. Tenten accidentally knocked her tea onto Neji’s lap. Shikamaru dropped the tray he was carrying. Kurenai and Asuma exchanged glances.</p><p>Hinata gasped, her hands over her mouth. ‘No!’</p><p>‘Yes!’ he exploded, turning his whole body to face her, apparently gearing up for a monologue. ‘Ever since I first walked in here, and you– Wait,’ he said, frowning. ‘What did you think I was going to say?’</p><p>Hinata was mortified. ‘Oh, erm…’</p><p>‘This is all very sweet, yeah,’ Deidara said. Hinata jumped; she had actually forgotten he was there. ‘Even though I have no idea what the fuck is going on. But we have a little job to be getting on with now…’</p><p>He clenched his fists, and Itachi and Sasuke prepared themselves to fight, as well as - <em>Kurenai? Gaara?</em> ‘What are you doing?’ </p><p>Kurenai looked back at her. ‘The Akatsuki are a bigger threat than a lone supervillain,’ she said.</p><p>Hinata nodded. ‘Then I’ll help.’ She readied herself. ‘Byakugan!’</p><p> </p><p><br/>‘Are you alright?’ Hinata asked, running over to the Avenger and helping him to his feet, once the threat had been subdued (with the help of Kurenai’s colleagues Kakashi and Guy). </p><p>He coughed, and avoided her eyes. ‘Yeah. I’m fine.’</p><p>‘So those were – they were love letters?’ Hinata asked. She had originally intended to be a little more tactful, but she couldn’t help herself. The whole situation was too bizarre.</p><p>‘Yeah…’</p><p>Tenten looked incredulous. ‘Even though you kept talking about death in every poem?’</p><p>‘And said you wanted to eat her eyes?’ Sakura said, her image of the mysterious bad boy evidently shattered.</p><p>‘And compared her to crystal meth?’</p><p>‘I did say it was a bit much, Sasuke,’ Itachi interjected, smiling at him.</p><p>‘Shut up, Itachi,’ Sasuke muttered. He turned to Hinata, and mumbled to her feet: ‘I felt a lot of… things, and they were – strong. Tried to put them into words, though I guess poetry doesn’t come naturally to me.’</p><p>Well, that would be impossible to deny. ‘I-It’s okay, we all have our strengths… Yours is…’ She trailed off, trying to think of something that wasn’t ‘looking good drinking coffee (and not speaking)’ or ‘hypnotising people into doing your evil bidding’. ‘You’re clearly very romantic, S-Sasuke.’</p><p>He blushed slightly. ‘Really?’</p><p>Hinata shuffled. It was a little concerning that what he considered romantic, everyone else considered creepy, but <em>it’s the thought that counts, right?</em> ‘Yes,’ she said firmly. ‘Love letters are <em>very</em> romantic.’  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So that's a wrap - thanks for reading! :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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